All right, everyone. Huddle up. Listening closely?
Father’s Day is fast approaching. You don’t need to make excuses why you haven’t gotten him anything yet. We know you haven't. We get it.
The man is impossible to shop for and he hates to show anything like a vulnerable emotion, let alone to take the time to say he actually wants a gift. Are you kidding?
So, we got you covered.
Here are seven lucky bets for Father’s Day gift sets. Have him unwrap one of these and he’s sure to keep you in the will - or at least keep you around.
Show him you love him. Let him know you appreciate his dude-ness, his Dad-ness, his utter bad-ass-ness. He deserves to hear it.
- Bump-ba-dum-bum-bum-BUM. Oh, say, can you see that our glass is half full? Yes, we’re optimists. But that’s not what we meant. We meant we need a re-fill! Patriots don’t let patriots go empty.
- Here’s what’s gonna happen. You listening? You come to us, on the day of our father’s celebration. You don’t come to us as a friend. You come to us as a man with excuses: all the work you have to do, how you can’t take a load off for twenty-four hours and enjoy yourself. Shut up a minute and listen. Shirk work today. Trade the cuff-links for the real Links. If anything’s gonna be sleeping with the fishes it’s gonna be your golf ball caught in a water hazard. Ka-peesh? That’s an offer you can’t refuse.
- Ahhhhh, our favorite sound. Hear it? Absolute silence. Still water. A cool breeze. Sun beating down. Only once in a while interrupted by a passing cloud. Line out. A bob floating on the stream. Two ice buckets ready. One full with beer. One empty waiting for the day’s catch. Paradise!
- In the 80s, Reagan said “it’s morning again in America.” In 2021, we’re saying it’s Happy Hour again in America. We could all use a little of the ease and clarity that comes with a fresh drop of the first drink. Steel the nerves. Take a load off. Re-charge. Take inventory. It’s Happy Hour again in America, and we’ll be the first ones to clock out and pour up. Living for today to be ready for tomorrow.
- One is either the loneliest number or the smallest army. Two’s company or a sniper and a spotter. Three’s a crowd or a door-breach squad with its six covered. Four. Well, four’s always a party. Get the party started with your best pals, best compatriots, and best whiskey. Oo-rah, gentlemen! Shit’s about to get explosive.
- Dad’s taking aim. The target? Cliche father’s day shenanigans. Another knife set? Another novelty golf sock? Another illegible card written by the pre-K two-year old? Save yourself the trouble. Here’s what dad wants. Quality time with the lady (you may know her as mom). Kids who check-off the chore list without a peep of protest. Beer on command. And perfect fishing weather. All right, that last one’s no guarantee. But you better make it happen anyway.
- If Dad doesn’t say anything about Father’s Day this morning, don’t mention it. No, really. Don’t mention it! Instead, silently provide his favorite things without a hint that you expect him to notice. His favorite breakfast. His favorite beer. His favorite equipment for his favorite activities. Trust us. That’s the stuff he’ll notice.